Have you ever caught yourself working at odds with yourself? I know, this sounds like a crazy question, and you might be wondering what I mean. Let me ask the question in a slightly different way. Have you ever discovered a way that you were working against goals or purposes you have in life? Just the other day I discovered such a place in my own life, and it literally made me laugh.
The other evening, I needed to finish mowing the lawn. I had had an evening meeting at the church and with the days getting shorter the sun would soon be setting. But I thought I’d have just enough time to finish the job. So, I quickly changed clothes, grabbed some ear plugs and fired up the lawnmower.
Now before I started the lawnmower, I took a moment to insert the earplugs. These weren’t the usual earplugs I use, but they were on the counter by the back door, so I grabbed them because I was in a hurry. Well, right away I noticed that they didn’t seem to go in very easily. That was odd. But I figured that maybe they were old, and the foam was less pliable…just making it hard to insert. I finally thought I had them in place. So, then I started the lawnmower. Boy it seemed really loud. I tried adjusting them, but nothing seemed to make any difference. I just figured they were no longer effective. However, since I was in a hurry and the sun was going down fast, I simply pressed on with the task at hand. Get the lawn mowed!! But I also made a mental note to throw these earplugs away when the task was completed.
I did accomplish the task. The backyard got mowed while I still had a bit of light. After putting the lawnmower away in the garage, I reached up and pulled out one of the earplugs, preparing to throw them away. Something else came out with it. What…that’s one of my hearing aids. I reached up and pulled out the other earplug…and yep, there was the other hearing aid, too. So, while I was trying to muffle the noise of the lawnmower my hearing aids were doing their thing and making the sound louder. So…talk about conflicting purposes.
My first reaction was truly to laugh. I’ve never done that before…with my hearing aids. But as I stopped and thought about the irony of that moment, I realized that I have done a similar thing in other areas of my life. I’m trying to drop a few pounds, yet every so often I make my way to Caseys for an apple fritter (they have the best ones in town). Or, I do like my Dark Chocolate Mint M & M’s, etc.
Another area where I’m working against myself is that I’m trying to develop some new spiritual practices, but I tend to mentally schedule those activities for the evening…and then I’m too tired, or I’m watching a TV show, or…well there’s lots of ways I can fill in that blank.
This unexpected moment the other evening has me thinking and reflecting on other ways I may be, knowingly or unknowingly, working against myself. How else am I trying to do one thing but sabotaging my efforts by other conflicting actions? Asking this question, I feel, is an important part of our faith journey. Part of our growth is being open to the voice or the presence of God pointing out those areas where we are working against ourselves and our desire to follow Jesus. My hope for each of us today would be that we might take a few moments to talk with God and reflect on our lives and our spiritual practices, seeking out those places where we just might be working against ourselves and the desires we have for living a Christ-centered life.
Pastor Keith