How do you say goodbye? The joke here in the Midwest is that one stands up and says something like, “Well, I suppose we should be going…” But then conversation continues for at least another half hour. There certainly is some truth in that description. I remember as a child feeling like my parents would never get around to the good-bye when we were at a church gathering or at a neighbor’s house visiting.
Some good-byes are relatively easy, such as when you find yourself in a job, a relationship, or a situation that isn’t what you thought it would be. In those situations, it might be easy, or easier, to say goodbye and simply walk away. I remember once many years ago I was invited to a meeting in which a specific topic was going to be talked about just between a couple of us. When I arrived at the meeting, there were a lot more people present than I had been told would be there and it quickly became evident that they had an agenda, not to discuss, but to intimidate and “convince” me that I was wrong on a certain subject. I quickly assessed things, stood up, said good-bye, and walked out the door.
Then there are the expected goodbyes that you know must happen, but it doesn’t make them any easier. I remember the day of saying “Goodbye” to our children as we took them to college and left them there. Of course, we knew we’d see them again, but it was more symbolic that this was the beginning of their leaving home and heading out on their own. There were tears shed in each of those moments, especially by Nancy and me…and I believe each time we drowned our sorrows in a DQ Blizzard. Good old comfort food!!
But then there are the difficult ones, maybe even the unexpected goodbyes. You’re never quite ready for the moment and you feel like you didn’t get to say goodbye in the way you wanted. Over the course of my ministry I have stood or sat with many families who were experiencing a tragic, a sudden, an unexpected, or a difficult goodbye. Those are so heartbreaking. In these kinds of situations, I always encourage those who are deeply feeling the loss, to find some way or take a moment to say the goodbye they want and need to say. Whether that goodbye is at the funeral home, during the funeral, at the cemetery, standing alone in a park or a pasture or some private place, find the way to say the goodbye. It can be so important to do so.
Now you might be wondering what is bringing this topic of saying goodbye to my mind. It’s because over the past two weeks I’ve made a difficult trip to Sioux Fall as a part of my saying goodbye to a dear friend. My friend and colleague in ministry, Rev. Roy Caudill, had been under hospice care for the last several weeks, and then he died on Wednesday morning, All Saints Day.
Both those trips to Sioux Falls to see Roy in his closing days here on earth were difficult and sad visits, but I also knew that I was doing what I needed to do to say goodbye. Yet I’m reminded of a church member from my very first church who refused to say goodbye. His philosophy was that “Goodbye” meant forever. However, “so long” was temporary. I’ll never forget, the last time I saw him, his words to me were, “So long, Keith. So long. Until me meet again.”
I have two reminders for us all today. 1. Take the moment to be with someone you care about when you have the opportunity. (I had been saying for at least 2-3 months that I was going to come have coffee with Roy in SF. It never happened.) 2. Take the time to say goodbye when someone you care about is in their final weeks/days on earth. It is important for both you and the other person to have those moments of connection and celebrating the relationship you’ve shared. Tears Shed…that’s OK. It’s a sign of the connection that was shared.
Today I celebrate that Roy is a part of the “great cloud of witnesses” that surrounds us followers of Jesus here on earth. His presence has helped shape my life, faith, and ministry. And because our faith is in Jesus and all that he has accomplished through his life, death, and resurrection, I have the hope and belief that death is not final. The grave is not the end. There is life in the love and presence of God. So, in the spirit of my previous friend, so long Roy, so long. Until we meet again!
Pastor Keith