“I just did this!” Those were the words that I spoke out loud as I prepared to do it again. I was standing by my lawn mower, having just put gas in the tank and preparing to pull the starting rope. It was true, I had just done this…just four days earlier. It’s amazing what an inch and a half of rain and some sunshine can do on one’s lawn. It makes the grass grow…and grow it had. I don’t have a huge yard, so this wasn’t a significant time commitment – just an hour and a half at the most. It was just the fact that I felt like I had just done it. But it needed it again. So… “let’s git er done” as they say. So, I pulled on the rope and mowed the lawn.
The truth is I could have waited another day or two to mow. It wasn’t in desperate need of cutting. But I also know that every day I wait, the job will become just a little bit harder. You see, the longer I wait, it allows weeds to get a little bit bigger. It allows things to get just a little more unmanageable. Then, after waiting a few more days I realize how difficult the job will be, so, then I wait a few more days to avoid the mess. And then you can guess it becomes a really challenging task I want to ignore.
Just the other morning, I was following my usual morning routine; up at 5:30, head downstairs to my office, spend a little time reading my Bible and in prayer. As I sat down in my office chair and picked up my bible, there was that sense within me that said, “I just did this.” It’s true, I had just done this very thing…24 hours earlier. Every now and then I get that little voice within me that says, “You don’t need to do this so often. You just did this. You know, skipping a day or two…or three or four isn’t that big a deal.” In years past I’ve allowed those little voices more influence in my life, but I’ve learned that just like in mowing the lawn, the more I delay, the harder it is to get back on track.
I’ve learned in my life that when I slow down, or even stop practicing my spiritual disciplines, weeds begin to grow more in my soul. You know, the weeds of doubt and discouragement. Or there’s the vines of envy and pride that press their roots deeper into my heart. Or it’s the seeds of negativity and entitlement that begin to blow around in the field of my mind Or the crabgrass of callousness and criticism will begin to spread out in the soil of my spirit. When these destructive weeds begin to take root, staying connected with God becomes more and more difficult. My Bible reading suffers, my prayer life diminishes, my servants heart begins to harden, my desire for the things of God becomes more easily satisfied with less fulfilling things. (Ohh, how many “likes” did I get with that Facebook post?)
It was a year ago while on a retreat that I discovered/admitted my spiritual gas can was empty. Since returning home from that retreat I have been more intentional about making regular stops at the spiritual “gas pumps” of my faith, what John Wesley referred to as “Means of Grace.” Yes, I still keep a gas can in my office as a reminder to take the time to fill up my spiritual tank. It’s been a more fulfilling year because of these practices. That’s why I am more intentional about doing those things “I just did” like reading my Bible, listening for God, reflecting on my journey, serving, working with a spiritual director, etc. Yes, in many cases, “I just did that.” But I’ve also come to realize that is a part of what loving God, loving neighbor, and loving myself really looks like.
One more thought. When I feel like saying “I just did that” in my spiritual journey I’ve begun to wonder, how often does God feel like saying that every time I ask for forgiveness…again. Yet, God never says, What…Again …I just did that!” God’s grace and forgiveness is always present, always generously applied and given when we / I ask. I am so grateful for God’s grace and forgiveness that never takes a break…and keeps on giving!
Serving Together,
Pastor Keith